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you left

an eternal autumn

in my heart

sadly beautiful, magnificently dying

in exploding colors of decay

All the breadcrumbs

 lead to your door.

Why is it locked?

choosing carefully all the pieces

to make the perfect me

to fit the perfect you

they won’t stick together though

so leave them scattered on the floor

perfect isn’t working 

broken cuts it more

Sitting in a melting boat

at the edge of the dream fog,

torn time flapping in the breeze…

I am waiting for an epilogue

But all I get is just a tease.

Wake up?

Reality too dim…

Go back?

I’ll get lost within…

I keep losing track.

Until you hug me in your slumber

and pull me safely back.

I wish I could

in few elegant and sweet lines

express all the feelings, piled up inside.

But instead it’s just words, words, words,

Hollow syllables, devoid of meaning.

And I walk through the day half-dead.

Another sunrise goes by unnoticed.

Another sunset drowns in the city smog.

And I turn away my head

and empty my mind of all that’s worth,

leaving only the concern

of how to make my bed,

where to buy bread,

or not to be late for work.

Sometimes memories erupt

through small crevices

and I just close my eyes,

startled at the tangible sensation –

and then it’s gone.

And I am left again –

an empty shell with small thoughts.

Sometimes all is lost in beauty

and then it fades sway,

stolen by merciless reality. Sometimes….

Until that song is playing

nothing is impossible

reality cannot catch up

so drum away

keep playing

keep that beat

keep the magic going

keep me here

in a world with an endless soundtrack

where everything is possible.

Unraveling from within

My love – a painful thread

I am lassoing you in

With a spider web

It’s a part of me

Alive with my desire

Stay close to me,

I am on fire

I want to breathe you in

in the fleeting moments you are near.

Exuberant and happy

I forget the pain,

Ignoring how I thin out,

How I bleed…. in vain

Because you walk away abruptly

with half of me,

wrapped around you…again.

As distance grows,

you shake me off

The dead threads fall,

Unwanted and unnecessary so.

And from me there is less and less….

Who knows, it might be for the best:

One day I will be gone completely And it will hurt no more.

The things you never said

„I miss you, I need you,

I want to hold your hand“

I heard them in your voice

and read them in your eyes

I saw them popping all around us

I thought it would suffice

until the day I woke up 

and gutted, realized

the things you never said

– you never said

they were only in my head

I am falling headfirst

Aiming at the bottom of reality

Cold and sharp stones of truth

Stop my flight

And here I am – in pieces again ….

It’s ok. I will invent myself one more time.

At the breaking point

Every time there is a new choice

And another ME is dead

But somehow I cannot send their ghosts away

Sunflowers on the left

On the right – dark prickly forest

My road, a winding narrow strip in between

Cold darkness engulfs me now

But I breathe, remembering

You are still there

My sunflower field

Closing all doors

With a slam

Used to be afraid of the dark

Now it is a hairy and warm blanket

Go away, light, not welcome now

Come back next life

when things start to fall apart

do you stop and think

this is it – here goes the crack

inevitable, deep and unforgiving

do you truly notice

when you fall

or do you say „it’s not that bad, 

here’s a band aid, 

it just doesn’t matter much“

will it help to notice 

when you fall

these are the times

when it really matters

while you fall

I know what broken is

I have the scars to prove it

I wish I learned the lesson though

instead of shattering my self

again and again

just to prove it wasn’t breakage but growth

I step on your words – shards

of broken glass.

Do you care if I bleed?

Love lessons hurt

Love lessons learned

But… affection isn’tever lost

Only multifold returned

You know you grow

when hopeless pieces

of a shattered heart

Become the flowers seed

for a brand new start.